Broke Phi Broke....I Still Won't Have It

OK so I went to exit loan counseling today. No not therapy, although I may need it when I start repaying my damn students loans!!! After sitting in this session for almost 2 hours I realized that it was time to come face to face with the last 8 years of my life and the debt that I've accumulated as a student. Ladies and gentlemen, the results were not pretty. After looking up the loans that I've borrowed from 4 different lenders, the grand total of my student loan debt equals.....drum roll please.....$77,500 (give or take a couple dollars).

OK now that you've regained consciousness and picked your face up off the floor, you can understand my pain. Thank god for grace periods. Pray for me...

T-Minus 19 Days & Counting....

So I'm usually not one to countdown until something happens, but I just realized that I'm graduating in 19 days...like for real this time! Most of you know about the ridiculously long time that I've been at SC (8 years....stop laughing) but I'll FINALLY be done with my second degree in less than 3 weeks. For the first time since I was 3, I will not be attending school in the fall. No books, no registration, no syllabi, no new school clothes (Ok i haven't done this one in a while anyways), no financial aid packages....OH SHIT NO FINANCIAL AID....SCORE!

I originally was going to do absolutely nothing but enjoy the fact that I was done with school. I had no intention in participating in any sort of graduation hoopla. I just didn't have the strength, didn't feel like going through all of this mess again. I've done it all already (gotta love undergrad and my almost graduation last year). So I figured I would just take my finals, go to everyone else's graduation parties and celebrate being done FOR REAL with out all of the stresses and formalities. My how plans have changed...

So it started with the fact that I wanted to go to Black Grad. I didn't really want to walk, I just wanted to be in the building. Then I heard that there are a ridiculous amount of people walking this year and the chances of getting in without a ticket are slim to none. So I thought, well if I walk in black grad, then I'll have a seat. My parents agreed to pay for a cap and gown to rent (broke phi broke...I ain't got it) so I could do black grad. Simply enough right? Wrong

I went to speak to the grad advisor to turn in some forms and make sure I was really getting my degree in May. I've known her for a while and it's obvious that they get excited when minorities are really graduating. By the end of the conversation, I had somehow become the flag bearer for the Viterbi School of Engineering for the Commencement ceremony. I hadn't even planned on BEING AT Commencement. Then she explained that my guests would get front VIP seating. Guests? What guests?

My parents have seen me walk twice at USC and are just happy that I'm done. When I told them the situation, my dad automatically started making plans to drive down to LA. But my brother has a track meet the same day in the bay area. And my other brother has a bowling tournament in Reno. Now my parents decided that I need to pay black grad dues just in case they come. Another $95 dollars spent. At least I get a graduation stole now.

Do you see how quickly this all got complicated? I went from just sitting in the crowd at Black Grad to a full blown graduation extravaganza in less than a week. Now my parents want to stay at my apartment, which would involve me cleaning my apartment for real, something that I had been putting off for a while now. I'm getting a headache....

To Rent or to Buy....That is the Question

So I'm trying to figure out if I should move into another apartment or try to buy a condo. My dad wants to buy something (tax write-off) and I think it would be cool to own what I live in. So we could buy something together, but I don't think I'm "credit ready" just yet. So I could rent for another year and save up some money and pay off some bills. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm tryna get out of my apartment as soon as possible. I was just waiting to see where I would get a job so I would know where to move to.

To top it all off I REALLY want to go somewhere on vacation (not in the US) before I start work on July 17th. Why did I decide to start work in the middle of the summer? Because I want some time to kick it, but I'm extra broke too and I need to start making some dinero. But I don't even know what part of the world I want to visit. And I need someone to go with too...any takers?

Afternoon Sillyness

Don't even ask why this is so funny to me....it just is

Finally!!!

I got a job offer today.....YAY! I will officially not have to move home and live with my mommy and work at Best Buy. Thank God for Raytheon! Now all I have to do is finish these last few assignments, get through a couple of finals and figure out which island I need to go to on vacation before I start working....BRILLIANT! Now I just gotta find somewhere else to live cuz I hate my apartment and now I can move and stuff....it's a celebration bitches!

Stop Fuckin Up the Ratio

OK so last week I was having a conversation with some of the homies about why some black women hate seeing black men date outside of their race. This sounds like a really redundant topic but for some reason everytime I have this conversation, some completely new shit comes up in the convo.

Of course my male friends in this conversation decided that just to make the women mad they would rehash some of the stale, old ass arguments that some men like to make. You know the type: "Black women are too much work", "Black women don't appreciate us" blah blah blah blah blah. We came to the decision that these women do exist. However they are in the minority, their just the most vocal of us all.

Ladies you know what I'm talking about. For every cliche that people have about black women, you have a homegirl that fits the description. And she's the most vocal, out there member of the group. She's the one out there rolling her neck, nagging her man about every little thing, treating him like he's nobody but crying her eyes out when he leaves her ass. And all she's doing is messing him up so that he thinks every black woman he dates after will be just like her. She's messin it up for the rest of us. Ladies we have to stop this....put your girl in check!

If at this point in the blog you're officially offended, then you're probably one of the people I'm talking about. It's OK, because the first step to recovery is getting over your denial. So now that we've identified the problem we can go ahead and stop it. So if you've ever found yourself acting in the ways mentioned above....stop it! You're f&#*$ it up for the rest of us!

So now that we've discovered why some black men may tire of dating black women, let's explore why black women may get upset that black men don't want to date us. Many of us grow up with the idea that we will one day find a strong black man who will love us and we will love each other, get married, have kids and create a loving black family....you know like on the Cosby show. However if you look at the statistics, things don't look so good for us.

I once read that for every black man with a college degree, there are two black women with a college degree. One of us is just @$$ed out now aren't we? So with the ratios already not looking so great, if you are a black man dating someone who is not black and a black woman looks at you crazy, she's not necessarily mad at you....you're just messing up the ratio! Think about this:

• For every black man who dates a woman who isn't black, that's one less black man in the pool. That black woman eyeballing you may not necessarily be mad cuz she wants you, but now another black woman who DID want you is taking her man away. At least in this situation, if you break up with the girl, the ratio is returned to it's current state. There's still hope.
• For every black man who dates another man, permanent damage to the ratio has been done. Not only are you messing up the ratio by removing yourself from the eligible pool, but there's a slim chance that you're coming back. Black women aren't really that mad at you for being "on the down low". We're just mad cuz you're lying and cuz you're once again fucking up the ratio.
• For every black man dating another black man, you've royally fucked up the numbers. You've now taken two men permanently out of the equation, thoroughly screwing up our chances. Again we're not really mad at you personally, just know that you're messin it up for everyone else.

All this talk of ratios may not seem relevant in cities with large populations of black people like Atlanta or Washington DC. But for the rest of us, you understand where I'm coming from. So the the moral of the story is this....if you are dating someone because you truly find something in them that is attractive and you love being with that person, then do your thing. But please don't exclude entire races of people based on a few crazies you've encountered in your past. And please understand that if someone is looking at you crazy, it's not you....it's the ratio...

So Close...Yet Oh So Far...

OK this is my final full month of school as a Master's student.....it's a celebration bitches!!! I feel so close to graduation, but it's almost too close. For once in life I need to not get A.D.D. and start slacking off and let my grades nosedive. I have to recommit to my classes and finish as strong as I started.

So today I got up and go to campus by 11 for my 12:30 class. 30 minutes into class and I'm falling asleep. By the 1.5 hour mark in my 3 hour class we take a break. My professor asks me if I'm feeling OK, and when I respond in my extra raspy, barely there voice (thanks NSBE Convention for once again stealing my voice) she says that maybe I should go home and rest. I can watch the second half of class later online. I agree, pack my things and leave. Damn it's good having a woman professor that understands.

But I can't go home because I have to type my paper that's due at 6:30. So I'll just take a quick nap in my car and then write my paper. Three hours later I wake up and can barely move my left knee....fucking arthritis. I can't go to class like this, I can barely walk. Thank god it's my left leg, so I use my right let to drive home. Now I gotta explain to my professor why my paper was late and I wasn't in class. I'm off to a great start aren't I?

So if you call me and I don't call you back, or you wanna go kick it and I turn you down, don't take it personal....I still love you. But I honestly have no business doing anything except school and job search stuff until May 8th. After that....IT'S A CELEBRATION BITCHES!!!!